Intention

I lost my best friend, I sure did, she told me,

I understood what she said,

But I was still thinking why, How did that happen?

I was surely in shock, OH MY LORD! I don’t want to believe what I am listening to,

NO RIZWAN, WE CAN NO LONGER BE FRIENDS, just like someone is hammering in my head with a big sledge hammer,

YOU BETRAYED ME,

No I didn’t, ,

YES YOU DID, YOU BROKE MY TRUST

Trust me I didn’t,

And it went on, after a while she cried….my best friend, for whom I always cared, I went out of my way to help her out with every thing, her exams, her life, her disappointments, set backs, helped her get motivated for her goals in life, helped her achieve her goals, I did everything I could, sometimes even more then that and here I am making her cry

SORRY, I CAN’T BE YOUR FRIEND NO MORE

Amazing

I didn’t even know how to feel

What to say

In fact what to think, or ………it was a blank

And that blank turned into black and started making my life BLACK

How it all started

We were very nice friends for more then four years

Sharing almost every good and bad in life

Living trials and tribulations of life together

She didn’t know I was interested or in love with her best friend

She knew we (me and her friend) were best friends, but didn’t know I liked her

She was close to me

Shared almost all her troubles with me

Helped me out emotionally whenever I needed it

It was a nice friendship

One day I said to her I want to kiss you

She said why

I said I just feel like kissing you at least once in my life

And she said no

But after sometime, I mean after few days

She said she was ready to do it, but she would never meet me again after that

Tough one…..

After few months when we met, she offered me her hand to kiss

Without any condition

I didn’t

I couldn’t

I wanted her to be pure

I wanted me to be pure for my love

I didn’t do it

It finished there

But I believe the feelings in her remained

Now as I told her that my love said no to me

Out of curiosity she asked who she is

I told her that it was her best friend

And she was shocked

Other day when I was talking to her, she told me

That I used her to get close to her best friend

I used her all 4 years

I was shocked

I betrayed her, she told me

And I was left with no words

RIZWAN, WE CAN NOT BE FRIENDS ANY MORE

And that was it.

My intention was pure, my behavior was not, I respected her, I still do, she has been one of my best friends, I trust her, I love her, but I WAS WRONG at the end of the day, I lost a treasured friendship that took more then 4 years to develop, less then a phone call to collapse

Isn’t it a sad truth of our life, whenever we do something, we judge our selves by our intention, if I wanted to do something with good intention, and it turned out bad, at least I was trying to do something good, we console our selves, the gauge is our intention, the reason or feeling behind, but what we fail to realize is that other people judge us only by our behavior, they don’t know what was the underlying intention behind what we did, and they don’t care, since their gauge is behavior, in their court, the only evidence is behavior and intention doesn’t even count.

I still remember that party, it was my cousins wedding, we were having a party night before the big day, every one was having fun, Son of my cousin sister, was serving water, and drinks to every one, he was just five year old at that time, so he was serving one glass at a time, and I was watching his spirit of service, he was certainly enjoying what he was doing, it was fun for him, this time he was going towards the groom, with a glass of drink in his hand and since he was so much engrossed in his work, he failed to see the bunch of video wires on the floor, as he walked on those wires, his foot got stuck in one, he got dis-balanced and the drink was all over the grooms expensive attire. He was truly shocked by whatever happened, but so was every one else, he could feel so many red eyes looking towards him, he wanted to hide somewhere but he found himself in the middle of every one, he didn’t even had a clue what to do, I could see his wet eyes, every one was upset with him thru ought the party and even the next day, he was not allowed to do any work, or any help, every one was angry at him, when I talked to him, he said, I just wanted to give DULHA BHAI (groom) the drink, it was not my fault the wires came in, but all I found my self saying to him, that it was ok, and don’t worry, he was judging himself by his intention, but failed to realize that every one else was watching his behavior, The thing that hit him the hardest was when he was left out of the small outing for children of the family when every one else went of course sponsored by the groom………….must have been so much pain for him, in his thinking, he paid the price of being nice, other kids who didn’t do a single work, were busy playing all the time, were taken on outing and had all the fun, while he, who took the pains, did do work and helped out was left out,

Strange world, we judge our selves by intentions but others by behaviors, different standards, we don’t even want to know why someone did what he or she did. Was it even their fault, just their behavior matters, my best friend, she just said, IN THE END YOU HURT ME, my behavior, failed to realize that I never ever even thought about hurting her, in the end she ended up in pain her self

And made me end in the pain too

The friend I loved and wanted to marry was undecided

But when she would hear from her best friend

She made would make her decision

On this basis and probably say NO to me

And here am I, still trying to understand

When on earth did I use my friend?

Where on earth was I wrong?

Why me?

Just like that little kid

I was standing right in the middle of no where

Didn’t even know what to do

Ended up blaming and hating my self…

If and only if we try to understand the underlying intention, show empathy, and care and understanding, life would be so much more different, You call it focus, paradigm or point of view, I call it standard, the gauge, by which we judge ourselves and the world, and if somehow we could unify the gauge and gauge ourselves by the same standard that we use for others or vice versa, life could be much more beautiful and easy of course.

When I give you 4 lbs of milk but since there is a hole in the standard gauge we are using, you only get 3 lbs, I am happy that I gave your four; you are unsatisfied at getting only three, but when I talk to myself, I would say that I gave you four, I didn’t know about the hole, but I didn’t cheat you, and there you are feeling betrayed and cheated, and that so very rightly, what’s that hole in our life, that’s the gap between intention and behavior, and the size of this gap differs from person to person.

The key as some suggest is to go ahead and try to step into other person’s shoes, see the things from his/her point of view, feel it his way, listen to his/her side of the story, but are we willing to do that, are we ready to step in someone else’s shoes, or would just end up saying that “at least I thought about it” again leaving a infinite gap between intention and behavior, where we never act to what we intend, are we fooling ourselves or everyone else around us, in fact, does that really matter.

So should we start judging the people by there intention or their behavior, what about judging ourselves, are we going to use the same gauge, do we know which one is better, and which one to go for……..or do you have any clue what I am talking about……

IF YOU WERE GOD, WHAT GUAGE YOU WOULD USE TO DECIDE SOMEONE’S FATE,

His/Her INTENTION

OR

His/Her BEHAVIOR…

The answer lies within you, look inside!